“OW!” I yelped, as his elbow pressed into a sore point on my back
“Shhhh!” said my massage therapist, continuing to press just as hard..
Then, with his elbow still lodged excruciatingly into my back, he said, “I’m hungry, have we got any crisps?”.
This was me the other day, getting a massage from my other half. I often ask him for a massage, as he’s great at the massage part of it, but my goodness, he could never do it for a living – he’s terrible at customer care!
The awful thing about being a massage teacher, is that I just can’t have a massage without noticing every aspect of the therapist’s technique, presentation or a million other aspects of their massage..So, as I was having that massage, I lay there remembering all the times I‘ve had a less-than-perfect massage.
As a therapist we often have no idea what may be irritating to individual clients. But there are some things which are pretty much universally annoying, and a lot of therapists are completely unaware that they’re doing them.
If you notice your therapist doing any of these - speak up! Or else go somewhere else! These are rookie mistakes and if your therapist is doing them, they either haven't had quality training or don't care. Either way, they should know better. And you definitely can get better treatment elsewhere!
. Here are 26 things therapists do that is super annoying.
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1. They don’t carry out an in-depth consultation, (or even ANY consultation.) A checklist of contraindications isn’t enough. They should be asking you why you're here and properly listen and ask the right questions so they have an idea of what you'll need in the treatment..
2. They don’t make it clear how you should lie on the table, or what clothes to leave on/take off. It’s so important to give clear, simple instructions or the client will be confused and unsure what to do when the therapist leaves the room..
3. The room is cold, the therapist’s hands are cold or there are not enough towels/blankets to keep them warm. The therapist should have an extra heater in the room. The oil should be warmed before use. It’s nice to have a table warmer (electric blanket) on the bed. If you hands, feet or arms feel cold then the therapist should check if you want the heat turning up, or extra blankets putting on the bed. Some people are too polite to mention they are cold and will lie there suffering.. Don't be one of them!
4. The floor under the face-hole is dirty and you have to lie looking at it for an hour. It’s so important to keep every area in the treatment room clean – including under the therapy couch. It’s really thoughtful if the therapist puts something pretty there for the client to look at! Not everyone closes their eyes during a massage..
6. The therapist carries out the whole massage from one side of the table. It feels unbalanced and odd. The therapist should move around, coming at the table from different angles. It’s not possible to use proper body mechanics or get at the tissues properly from just one side..
7. The therapist is very heavily right (or left) handed. One hand feels much stronger than the other when they work on us. They shouldn't favour one hand. They should use both hands equally to get them both working strongly together.
8. The therapist’s nails are too long. First of all, – Ow! Secondly, no matter how much they tell you they can massage really well with long nails, let me tell you this – they can’t. Their body mechanics are going to be all wrong. They won’t be able to apply pressure without either hurting yourself or the client. Don't accepts a massage from someone with long nails. They don't know what they're doing.
9. The therapist has the radio on, or something that’s REALLY not relaxing to listen to. They should ask us our preferences before the massage. I don’t want to have to listen to the news (or dance music!) while having a massage. Maybe some people do – but they should check first. Also they should check if you even want music on at all. You might just want silence..
10. The therapist is tense. This makes us feel tense too.
.11. The therapist is afraid of causing pain, so they hold back instead of leaning in. if they are massaging correctly, they won’t be causing pain. They should be working carefully but confidently..
12. It hurts. And when you tense up or even say "ow", they don't change the pressure. They tell you it's "no pain, no gain". This is NOT TRUE. A massage shouldn't hurt (it might feel uncomfortable in places, but you should still be able to stay relaxed.)
15. They apply too much pressure and we feel “attacked”. (See above)
16. Their pressure is too light, it feels tickly, too oily and like nothing is happening. This is a therapist who has no confidence in what they are doing.
.17. The massage is “pokey” There’s too much jabbing from fingers and thumbs and not enough broad, stroking movements.
18. They go too deep, too quickly. They should be taking their time! The body responds to quick, deep movements by contracting the muscles, thus making the massage painful – and doing the opposite of what they are trying to achieve. If the aim is to relax the body (and it usually is, within a massage), then they should be using slow strokes when applying pressure..
19. They massage the feet and then go straight to massage the face without cleaning their hands. Just ew!
20. They leave bits of the body uncovered, even though they are working elsewhere – especially the feet (obviously this is ok if it’s very hot- but then it needs to be negotiated and agreed with you).
21. They obviously do the same massage for everyone. If certain issues have come up in the consultation – they should take that into account during the massage. Otherwise they should make it clear when they book that it’s just a relaxing massage and they are not there to work remedially..
22. They talk all the way through the massage – or worse, talk only about themselves! You shouldn't be having to counselling your therapist!, You should be either relaxing in your own little world, or talking about YOUR lives with them. If you want to talk , your therapist should be happy to do that, but they need to let you lead the conversation..
23. They finish before time. Annoying!.
24.They go a lot over time (without checking first that you are ok to stay a bit longer.).
25. They don’t offer a drink afterwards. Most clients feel thirsty after a massage. Just a glass of water is fine, although a herbal tea is nicer!.
26. They don’t give aftercare advice. If they don't let you know what to expect after the massage, and you have some uncomfortable effects afterwards (may be you feel achy, or extra emotional) – you won’t understand that this is a sign of the body processing the massage work and instead will blame the massage.
.I’m sure there’s a million more of these – can you add any of your pet hates?
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